St. Nicholas’ lament

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St. Nicholas or in Dutch Sinterklaas was a true Saint,
So I had to listen when he called upon me with his complaint,
He was a little upset and filled with shame
About quite a few things really, non the least his lack of fame

Because in many countries much to his shame
Some chat chap called Santa had stolen his good name.
Come December 5th wherever he might go
All he heard was Santa’s Ho! Ho! Ho!


Indignant about this loss of his public image
Thanks to some clever and commercial pillage
He pressed upon us to clear his name
And try to restore some of his well deserved fame

See, St Nick unlike Santa really did exist far away In modern day
Turkey is where his claim to fame lay
Many miracles St Nick hastened to do,
Mainly helping those in need with gifts that were new.


Children’s patron in Germany Belgium and the Netherlands, too.
Today he asks that presents be given to all children, and this year to you.
Although the customs are different: we all put out their shoes
And hope they get filled with toys, see his coming’s good news!


Sounds like just like Santa you’re thinking, I’ll bet
But that kind of thinking leaves our poor bishop upset
Although "Santa" or "saint," they both mean the same,
And his nickname is Claus, short for Nicholas’ name.

Some homework and checking a little background
St Nick is quite skinny and Santa’s quite round
Santa also comes December 25th;
St. Nick comes much earlier, on December the 5th.

And even though we all know Santa is a nice chap
The funny old man has a stocking as a cap
St Nick on the other hand is is not such a silly blighter
As he actually wears a proper bishops Miter

As traditions go the giving of gifts are the same
But St Nick doesn’t do it in Chrismas’ name
No good tidings for all and love and peacetime
Bur rather pointing out the others weakness, but in Rhyme

Besides the gift more important is to give a rhyme
And ideally this is filled with also sots of grime
The Poems are often very extensive
And all too often just a little offensive

See, Saint Nicks day poems are like the Dutch, frank and full of candor
But then mainly filled with Innuendo and just a twist of slander
So this year from that less famous holy man
A gift and rhyme all the way from Amsterdam

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This is to all those who enjoy a glass of wine and to those who don’t.

As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria!

In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 2lbs of Escherichia coli, (E. coli) – bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 2lbs of poop.

However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.

Remember: Water = Poop, Wine = Health

Therefore, it’s better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of sh*t inside.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information: I’m doing it as a public service.
Just make sure you call me over the next time you try a health drink!

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